next year I’m going to cure cancer…

Posted on: December 27, 2011

New Years Resolutions…

Every year, the week following Christmas, people are asking/telling their New Year resolutions. In your head (and anyone around), you are thinking to yourself, “yeah right, like that’s gonna last”…because most people aren’t going to stick to their resolution past a month. For example: gym memberships EXPLODE in late December/early January and the diligent idiots rush to the gym for the first few weeks of the new year, making it difficult for dedicated gym-goers to enjoy their normal workout routine. Examples of common resolutions include: eat healthy, go to the gym, save money, be more organized, etc. blah blah blah whine whine hooray. It almost seems cliché that it’s even done anymore because only 1/50 people are actually going to stick with it. I’m guilty as charged, many times I’ve said I was going to do something/change something in the upcoming year and given up mid-January. This year is no different… I’m going to attempt some lifestyle changes. Hopefully they stick…but I’m not going to be stressed if they don’t…there is ALWAYS next year!


My New Year resolutions:

1)STAY ORGANIZED! -I have major OCD as it is and my system of organization makes no sense to anyone but me…but I’m hoping to utilize a couple tools that will make it easier to stay on top of things. It keeps my anxiety down when I feel organized and put together…and seriously, who likes dealing with an OCD betch off her xan-meds with a f*cked up schedule…only ninjas have the power to calm that cray cray down.

2) Adopt a healthy vegetarian lifestyle! -I have been making major strides to change my eating habits and have made the decision to give up meat from my diet. This stems from some really awful information presented to me in an ecology class…and things I’ve read in Skinny Bitch. I’m not completely batshit and giving up dairy…but most animal products are no-no land. I’m also trying to eat more whole foods and cut out the processed garbage that is so easy to access. This isn’t going to say that I may chow down on nothing but potato chips for 8 hours when I’m stressed at work, but it does mean that for the majority of the time, healthy-hippie is the way I’ll play.

3)EXERCISE! -I’m not going to fool you. I’m lazy. So lazy that I actually list “being lazy” as a hobby. I like to think that I’m just really good at leading a sedentary lifestyle…but I’m not getting any skinnier and I can barely trot for the mail without becoming winded…GROSS (this may be accredited to my pack-a-day smoking habit too). So I’m going to ease into it and hopefully set up a nice little system where I get some exercise everyday. I have a stationary bike in the basement that I’ll need to dust the cobwebs off of, but I’m hoping that this will be my boost in the winter months. I’m not saying anything crazy like “I’m going to the gym everyday and I’m going to lose x amount of lbs by x date.” That is just not gonna happen. I AM LAZY. I don’t want to be a sloth anymore so it’s baby steps…hopefully away from the couch/bed and out into the world.

4) Spend less! -Living expenses are not high when you live in the middle of nowhere (besides gas) and live with a family member you are taking care of. I’m not planning on turning into a miser or anything…but I want to be more aware of where my money is going and start SAVING money in an account for emergencies/shoes/vacays.

5)Stop being a slob! -I spent years and years devoted to being skinny and beautiful…and blonde. I don’t know exactly what happened but I’m lucky if I feel the urge to brush my hair daily anymore. The goal for 2012 is to take the time to make myself presentable and take some pride in my appearance. No more rats nest hair dos and wrinkled pants. I’m 26 for f*cksake, I need to start acting like an adult, and part of that is looking like a human who cares more than a little bit about appearance.–>I realize this one sounds kind of vain…but in relation to my other resolutions: if I am eating better, being more active, and all-in-all keeping my shit together, there is no reason why I shouldn’t look the part of the put-together individual I am. Barely brushing my hair for work and looking like a zombie is not appealing.


I think this is do-able. I have to commit to the change in lifestyle. My body and my self-esteem need the boost to get the ball rolling back to “normal-town”. I was going to make “be happy” one of my resolutions but that is just bullshit. Happiness is different to each person and I’m never going to be the eternal optimist and I’m done trying to change that part of myself. So if you don’t like the snark…do yourself and me a favor and go back to delusion-land.


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